And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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