When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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