dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
