I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
