just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
