I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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