I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
