I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
