He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
