I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
