why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
