My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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