What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
