So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You can't special order awesome
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
