i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Operation Purity has been aborted
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
