woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
