p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
