Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
