I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
