After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize