She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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