So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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