"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize