so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
It's shark week go big or go home
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
