After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
