hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
