Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
