Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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