i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
