I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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