Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
