A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
