I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Fuck appropriateness.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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