his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
