census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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