margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
