..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
