i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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