I heard we made out
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
