Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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