she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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