I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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