I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
