YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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