Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
sarcasm needs its own font
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
