I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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