Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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