we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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