I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
