Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
