no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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