I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize