I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
