so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
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