I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
