Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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