I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
