if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
