because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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