pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
why is half of my head shaved?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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