you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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