Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
