those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
you made out with another girl for some wings
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
